Now first of, I wasn’t just an atheist. I was a raging one. I was president of my atheist society at UCLA. I am a tiny, angry female. In many way I still am, but in many way I am not.

It was a chance meeting with Zaheer, the founder of this group. A lovelier guy I never did meet, so this made me instantly detest him.

He would get on with anyone (AL), girls would flock to him and flutter their eyelashes in the LA (Los Angeles) way. He simply didn’t notice. He was on cloud 9, always, thank God, smiling, and always with an ear for everyone.

I hated him. He was everything I was not. He was patient, sympathetic and kind. I was hateful, blameful, and wanted to punish all for my inner decay.

But when it came to Jesus, I hated him the most. I could see he would light up when talking about Jesus, his simple ways to redemption. But I hated it. I wanted revenge. Revenge for what I am unsure, but I wanted it anyway, and wanted to relish in it.

He was my avowed enemy on campus. I would avoid him at all costs, and do my best to send him daggers from my eyes from long distance.

But no matter what I tried, I simply couldn’t wear him down. I couldn’t entice him into enmity or anything akin to retaliation. I now see I was trying to get him down to my level, and the fact he stayed on cloud 9 (AL) wanted me to bring him down even more.

Eventually, since my tactics were not working, I thought I would talk him into a fight. Packing away my daggers, I once approached him. Oh how my blood was boiling. I talked to him in abrupt, angry sentences, and how I was so right, and more importantly how he was so wrong.

But thing is he never preached. He didn’t preach the Gospel, Jesus, Christianity or Islam, or any of it. He just went about his day, talking to as many or as few people as possible, but TF always with a smile.

We spoke. We spoke every day. My avoidance of him became making a beeline for him. There was something in his energy that transmuted mine any time I was with him. He was beautiful. And I was melting.

I started to listen instead of argue. I started to feel different and the old ways were being washed away with something anew.`

For me, he is my God. My causal link to a place that I never knew.

I was full of hatred. Now I understand that was all me, and nothing else.

I didn’t know how to change, how to love or even life. Zaheer changed all that. in a handful of conversations.

We talked about religion and its meaning. He said he has no religion and is not bound. He said he is free, but AL the one who keeps him free is Jesus.

Guess what, I was alit inside again. Fire and rage and telling him he is stupid and a foreigner (he is British) and he understands nothing of modern times.

Infuriatingly he agreed with me. He knew nothing of modern times, but then threw me a curve ball.

Why would he have to understand modern times? Was there something amazing hidden inside there that eventually makes us all weary, tried and angry at everyone else? Is this the way society works best? Enemies and blame?

I couldn’t argue with that; he was right. Something has been lost in my chase of modernity.

I didn’t want to read the bible, but I did. Oh how I wanted to being this guy down.

I would throw bible verses at him, and he would agree with whatever I thought; he was not bothered about them.

He said I could read them forever and come no nearer to the truth. He said to see truth, the truth of who I am, is through Jesus. The name above all names.

I wanted ot humour this, and said “ok how do I get closer to this Jesus guy?” 😉

Zaheer told me, just reach out him. He is there, he is omnipresent, he will respond and give you rest from your fire within.

I so wanted to try this, to let him know how stupid he is and it doesn’t work!

But, alas, it did work. And has been working for the 15 years betwee when he told me to do that, and today.

Zaheer is a blessing. He will et you back to God, if you believe.

What is God is another question. And if you recoil at the thought, you should be asking yourself why.

I did not see.

But now i see what i did not see

It’s beautiful, and it can be for you too.

Join and support this group. I donate $15 per month. I find it a small amount to pay to support this work and bring more people to the fold (it’s 50 cents a day).

Jodi-Ann 29, California, USA.

Former atheist, now follower of Jesus.

Amen.