I don’t even know why I’m typing this at 2 am. I really love God. I really do. I pray, I try to live like Jesus says, I read the Bible when I can, I try not to yell at people even when I want to, and somehow I still dread every single church event.

It’s not that I don’t like people, exactly. Some of them are great. But the meetings, the potlucks, the committees, the small talk, the endless smiling and pretending everything is fine, the judging eyes even when they’re trying not to judge — it’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly performing, like I have to measure my words, measure my joy, measure my faith, and if I slip a little, everyone notices. And then I get angry at myself for being angry, because I should be grateful, shouldn’t I?

And the worst part is, I go to pray, I go to read, I go to be close to God, and then I spend all weekend thinking about how much I don’t want to go to the next meeting. I love God, I love the faith, I just hate all the structured, social parts of it. I feel guilty for that. I feel selfish. I feel like I’m not doing enough. I try to tell myself that God cares more about my heart than my attendance, but then I see the committees forming, the smiles, the planning, the “everyone’s invited!” emails, and I feel like I’m failing somehow, even though I haven’t actually failed anything.

Sometimes I just want to sit in my room and read scripture or pray or listen to worship music alone, without the potluck, without the announcements, without everyone nodding at the right time or clapping at the right time or pretending they’re listening when they’re not. That’s what feels real to me. That’s where I feel God. Everything else is noise, and I can’t explain why it matters so much that the church insists it’s important.

I don’t know. Maybe I just need to find my own balance. Maybe I need to accept that loving God doesn’t mean loving everything about church. Or maybe I’m lazy. Or maybe I’m tired. Or maybe everyone else feels this too but just hides it better.

Anyway. That’s it. Thanks for being you R2J

Church Events Are Hard Sometimes — And That’s Okay”

First off, you’re not weird, and you’re not failing God just because you hate the potlucks or the meetings or the endless “small talk with everyone pretending they like each other.” Seriously. Most people feel this, they just don’t say it.

Here’s the thing. Church events are designed for the extroverts, the organizers, the people who live for schedules and committees. Not everyone is wired that way. Loving God doesn’t mean loving the coffee hour. It doesn’t mean smiling through every awkward handshake or pretending you’re thrilled about another fundraiser. That’s human. That’s normal.

A few ideas I’ve picked up from surviving this:

• Pick your battles. You don’t have to show up to everything. Seriously. If there’s a meeting that feels pointless, skip it. Pray at home, read scripture, do your own thing. The guilt will try to sneak in, but remind yourself you’re not the church — you’re part of it, yes, but God doesn’t track attendance like a spreadsheet.
• Carve out mini escapes. Bring a notebook, step outside for five minutes, sit somewhere quiet for a song or two. Pretend you’re on a mini retreat in the middle of chaos.
• Find one or two people who get it. Not a million people. One or two. Maybe they also hate the small talk. Maybe they actually care about Jesus more than the committee forms. Talk to them. Maybe vent a little. It helps to know you’re not the only one.
• Remember why you’re there. Not the potluck, not the fundraiser, not the meeting. The worship, the connection with God, the reminder of why you show up at all. Those things are real. Everything else is icing you don’t need if you don’t want it.

You’ll feel guilty. You’ll feel frustrated. You’ll feel like you’re failing. And sometimes, that’s just how humans are. But that doesn’t make your faith weak. It makes it yours.

So yes, church events suck sometimes. That’s not a problem. The problem would be if you let them convince you that God is far away. He’s not. He’s probably bored by the committees too.

With love,

R2J