I’m writing because I am struggling with something I don’t feel I can say out loud. I am 31 years old, single and alone.

I grew up in the church—Sunday services, youth groups, volunteering, the whole picture. For most of my life, Christianity wasn’t just a belief system; it was the air I breathed and the structure around everything I did.

But over the last few years, I’ve found myself pulling away. It started with small cracks, like moments of hypocrisy I couldn’t ignore, leaders failing to live up to the teachings they constantly preached, and conversations that left me feeling more judged than supported. Eventually the cracks turned into something I couldn’t patch over. I realised I didn’t recognise the faith community I was part of anymore.

I stepped back. I stopped attending services. I stopped pretending that everything still made sense. In some ways, this brought relief. But it also brought a kind of emptiness and distress and loss I wasn’t prepared for.

Although I’ve walked away, I can’t seem to shake the feeling of loss- and sometimes guilt. Part of me wonders if I’ve given up too quickly, or if I’m the one who failed and overtone else is right in their hypocritical or superficial bliss. But then another part wonders why I’d even want to return to something that hurt me over years.

I really don’t know where I stand with Christianity right now. I’m not angry; I’m just really tired. I miss the sense of belonging, but I can’t bring myself to overlook the hypocrisy and failings I saw that pushed me away in the first place.

Am asking if it is normal for leaving something to feel harder than staying?

And how do I move forward without feeling like I’m betraying who I used to be?

JT, Miami